Author’s Note: Being someone who’s transferred schools and is always anxious about talking to people, I’ve often drifted apart from my friends or lost contact with them. I was thinking about this idea over the break and ended up writing two separate poems on that topic. One poem is on a dying friendship and the other is on a pair of friends I completely lost contact with.
By the way, I only read the first poem during my presentation.
As we sit on this couch together
I find myself reminiscing
Of what used to be
How I once called you my best friend
Do you feel this awkwardness too?
We sit together in silence
I just can’t seem to break it, though
It’s futile, like rowing against the ocean
You’re so familiar to me, yet so distant
The laughs we once shared
Are now muffled by the years gone by
Can’t you say something? Anything?
You’re like a hollow shell of my childhood
If I look at you for long enough
I can see that dusty courtyard
And hear the buzzing of the school bell
Do you feel that way when you look at me?
I feel guilty for replacing you
Yet, you don’t feel so guilty for ignoring my texts
So why do I cling to you?
It’s scary, to think that maybe
My other friendships will end up like this
What if they start ignoring me
Just like you?
Maybe it doesn’t hurt for you, but it hurts for me
To watch you distance yourself from me
Those unanswered phone calls
And dormant text conversations
I’ve tried my best to salvage this friendship
But I’ll be honest:
I feel like I don’t know you
What happened to those eleven years?
Do they mean nothing to you?
Because they used to mean everything to me
I remember the days in middle school
Those days when I got together with them every weekend
They were twins, a boy and a girl
And the three of us were an inseparable trio
Late nights were spent playing board games
Binging on junk food, and laughing hysterically
We thought we would never forget each other
Nothing could separate us
Yet, the strings of time knew otherwise
We were slowly pulled apart, and slowly forgot about one another
Phone numbers were deleted
Get togethers cancelled
I wonder if they remember me
The way I remember them
Do they look back on those days fondly?
Or do they simply not care?
The last time we spoke was awkward
Eye contact was avoided
Brief, muttered greetings exchanged
We all knew this would be our last conversation
“You’ve outgrown them, haven’t you?”
Mother asked afterwards
I didn’t reply, but I knew it was true
But I did wish them well
Eight years of friendship shouldn’t end
So emptily though
Did they value me, the way I valued them?
I don’t like to think about it
Watching friendship be lost
To the waves of time, is painful
You can tell as your enthusiasm fades
With each get together
Your text conversations go to sleep
And there’s that final realization
That you’re not friends anymore
And it hurts
But times passes by,
And slowly, it hurts less
You start to wonder
You’ve gotten over them
But you’re still curious
There’s this attachment to them
That just won’t fade
Where are they now?
Are they happy?
How are they doing?
Do they ask these same questions?
Though the friendship may die off
I’ve found, that this curiosity won’t go away